What ‘It Ends With Us’ Gets Wrong (and Right) About Domestic Abuse

Preview

Based on the references provided, there are several key points to consider regarding what 'It Ends With Us' gets right and wrong about domestic abuse:

What It Gets Right

Highlighting the Insidious Nature of Domestic Violence
The book and movie do a good job of showing how domestic violence can start subtly and escalate over time. The character Ryle initially seems charming and romantic, but his behavior becomes increasingly abusive as the relationship progresses, which mirrors the experiences of many real-life victims.
Portraying the Complexity of Victim Responses
Lily's internal conflict and rationalization of Ryle's behavior is a realistic depiction of how victims of abuse often struggle to reconcile the love they feel for their abuser with the harm being done to them. This complexity is important to show, as it challenges the simplistic notion that victims can easily leave their abusers.
Addressing Intergenerational Trauma
The story effectively illustrates the impact of witnessing domestic violence as a child and the potential for victims to become trapped in a cycle of abuse. Lily's experience with her father's abuse of her mother informs her own relationship with Ryle, highlighting the long-term effects of such trauma.

What It Gets Wrong

Romanticizing the Abuser
Despite the abusive nature of Ryle's character, he is still portrayed as a complex and sympathetic figure. This has led to criticism that the book and movie romanticize domestic violence by making the abuser seem misunderstood or redeemable.
Oversimplifying the Resolution
The resolution of the abuse storyline, where Lily divorces Ryle and they peacefully co-parent, has been criticized as unrealistic and potentially dangerous. In reality, leaving an abusive relationship is often much more complicated and fraught with legal and safety concerns.
Lack of Diversity and Realism
The characters are predominantly white and financially secure, which is not representative of the diverse experiences of domestic violence victims. Additionally, the glamorous and idealized portrayal of the characters' lives, including their physical appearances, has been criticized as Hollywood's tendency to sanitize and romanticize serious issues.
Marketing as a Lighthearted Romance
The promotional campaign for the movie has been criticized for downplaying the serious subject matter of domestic violence and marketing it more as a romantic comedy. This has been seen as disrespectful to survivors and has led to disappointment among some fans of the book who were expecting a more faithful adaptation.

Conclusion

While 'It Ends With Us' brings important attention to the issue of domestic violence and offers a complex portrayal of victim experiences, it also falls short in several areas. The romanticization of the abuser, the oversimplified resolution, and the glamorization of the characters' lives are significant criticisms that detract from the story's potential impact. The marketing of the movie as a lighthearted romance has also been seen as a misstep that has disappointed and alienated some potential viewers.

What ‘It Ends With Us’ Gets Wrong (and Right) About Domestic Abuse

Preview

Based on the references provided, there are several key points to consider regarding what 'It Ends With Us' gets right and wrong about domestic abuse:

What It Gets Right

Highlighting the Insidious Nature of Domestic Violence
The book and movie do a good job of showing how domestic violence can start subtly and escalate over time. The character Ryle initially seems charming and romantic, but his behavior becomes increasingly abusive as the relationship progresses, which mirrors the experiences of many real-life victims.
Portraying the Complexity of Victim Responses
Lily's internal conflict and rationalization of Ryle's behavior is a realistic depiction of how victims of abuse often struggle to reconcile the love they feel for their abuser with the harm being done to them. This complexity is important to show, as it challenges the simplistic notion that victims can easily leave their abusers.
Addressing Intergenerational Trauma
The story effectively illustrates the impact of witnessing domestic violence as a child and the potential for victims to become trapped in a cycle of abuse. Lily's experience with her father's abuse of her mother informs her own relationship with Ryle, highlighting the long-term effects of such trauma.

What It Gets Wrong

Romanticizing the Abuser
Despite the abusive nature of Ryle's character, he is still portrayed as a complex and sympathetic figure. This has led to criticism that the book and movie romanticize domestic violence by making the abuser seem misunderstood or redeemable.
Oversimplifying the Resolution
The resolution of the abuse storyline, where Lily divorces Ryle and they peacefully co-parent, has been criticized as unrealistic and potentially dangerous. In reality, leaving an abusive relationship is often much more complicated and fraught with legal and safety concerns.
Lack of Diversity and Realism
The characters are predominantly white and financially secure, which is not representative of the diverse experiences of domestic violence victims. Additionally, the glamorous and idealized portrayal of the characters' lives, including their physical appearances, has been criticized as Hollywood's tendency to sanitize and romanticize serious issues.
Marketing as a Lighthearted Romance
The promotional campaign for the movie has been criticized for downplaying the serious subject matter of domestic violence and marketing it more as a romantic comedy. This has been seen as disrespectful to survivors and has led to disappointment among some fans of the book who were expecting a more faithful adaptation.